The Weekly – Are you Asking Bad Questions?

The Real Question Behind The Question

By now you know I ask a lot of questions. As I’ve lived and gained wisdom it’s become apparent that a good question can be the key to, might I say with confidence, EVERYTHING?

Good questions have lead to nearly if not all discoveries (I wonder what would happen if we…)

And most amazing relationships, (Wanna go out with me, or have lunch with me or share a ride?)

They gain us business, (What are you looking for? What result are you after? How can I serve you?)

Recently I was asked a bad question….

And it was a question, so I felt compelled to answer it, even though I don’t think the asker wanted an answer, they really wanted to make a point. Right there is when you will know you are asking bad questions.

When you don’t want an answer, you want to make the other person feel bad, or squirm, or make yourself appear superior in some way. I know that this is hard to admit, however, read the questions and you may find you are asking some bad questions.

Here aisa list of poor questions you would do  yourself a favor by NEVER asking –

(Note: I will not go into how to answer these poor questions here – since there are multiple ways and the space here, and your time is limited)

Why would you do that? Why are you doing that? Tell me why?

These questions are not meant to get an answer, you are simply asking these types of questions out of astonishment and it leaves the other person no place to go.

What is your company doing about…? What are you doing about…? How can you allow…?

These questions are usually meant to shame, belittle or make the asker feel superior since it is assumed they are doing something about whatever it is. Will asking these questions ever get you help, or support? Unlikely.

Who told you to do that? What were you thinking? How could you have thought that was okay?

If you’ve uttered these questions to a teammate/employee, or a child or lover, it’s a direct accusation that they did something wrong and you really only want them to know it through asking an unanswerable question.

When the bad question came to me, from someone I didn’t know, I realized they more than likely didn’t know it was such a bad/poor question. I am uncertain of their intent, though not to help me is fairly certain.

My goal in sharing these less than stellar questions is to HELP YOU! Next time you are about to ask one of the above, stop  yourself and ask yourself this question first. Do I need to say anything? And if I do, what would be a better question than these?

Note: I help professionals all the time with these types of situations through Ignite Coaching. You can set up a free discovery session here.

 Blessings,
 Shawna Schuh, CSP 
Serving Leaders Who Ignite Others

 Executive Coaching, Speaking, Columnist and Author
 503-970-5774

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Monday Mindset: Start your week off well! What exactly do you believe?

What exactly do you believe?

 What is your intention for the week?

Ask yourself…

Are my beliefs supporting my goals?

Are my beliefs mine or someone else’s?

 I adore you!

Blessings,
Shawna Schuh, CSP

www.WomenIgnitingLeadership.com

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from “Starting Their Week Well” each Monday.

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Monday Mindset: Start your week off well! How happy are you?

How happy are you?

What is your intention for the week?

Ask yourself…

If you’re not happy with what you have, how could you be happier with more?

What are you most happy with now?

Would it make you happier to have someone come alongside you and help you achieve your goals? Executive coaching could be your next step.  Click here to schedule a complimentary session with Shawna to discuss your goals and find out if Executive Coaching is right for you.

Blessings,
Shawna

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The Weekly – What Agreements Have You Made with Yourself?

What do you do with Rude People?

Don Miguel Ruiz wrote the book, “The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom” in 1997 and it’s still one of those books I will review and recommend to this day, and here is why it may be time for you to dip your toes into this deep and refreshing pool of wisdom.

Let me give them to you in the simplest form so you can think about them and if you are living them and why one I’m going to stress today could be the key to higher levels of success for you and your business.

The Four Agreements:

  1. Be Impeccable with Your Word
  2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
  3. Don’t Make Assumptions
  4. Always Do Your Best

Today let’s unpack number 2 – Don’t take anything personally. Oh how I wish this were easy, but I have found that it’s not.

So here are some tips you can use immediately to help you when:

  • Someone does not like your selections, or taste, or offer or service.
  • A person tells you something that feels hurtful or unkind
  • You ask for someone’s opinion and they give what you consider brutal feedback
  • Someone cuts you off mid-sentence or on the freeway
  • The person you are trying to serve is distracted or rude

ALL of these actions are about THEM – not you, not ever.

Then the question becomes how do I deal with this person?

(I really wanted to say, rude or uninformed person – but wouldn’t that be a judgment?) Alas, my humanness is ever present!

The two tools or tactics I use (and which have helped me in countless ways) are:

1.  Simply say, “Thank you”  And stop talking.

 

They will be startled no doubt, they may continue on with their thoughts or tirade for a moment however since you have not defended yourself or your business or actions, you’ve simply thanked them, the exchange will end soon.

Saying thank you for any feedback, criticism or rude behavior is not normal so it will help you to – stay calm and allow them to stop. Remember this is NOT about you, so saying, “Thank you.” or even, “Thank you for being yourself” will make this exchange less painful and maybe help the other person become more aware.

2. If Thank You isn’t appropriate and they are actually mad, or brutal in their feedback, you can then simply say, “Forgive me”

 

 

Remember this is not about you, but when you ask for forgiveness for things that aren’t about you, it stops the other person from continuing – it puts the ball in their court and what kind of person doesn’t forgive someone else? Not one you want in your life or business, right?

Note, that I did not suggest you say, “I’m sorry” you may and probably aren’t sorry and that sometimes keeps the other person going with, “You should be!” When you say, “Forgive me? Or Please Forgive me?” you have stopped them and asked them a question which shifts the energy.

There is one last thing I sometimes do… it’s kind of silly but has helped me when I’m in a group, I put on an invisible suit of armor– no one can see it but nothing negative is getting in! That way I can stick to this wonderful and life changing agreement to:

Not Take Anything Personally

Your feedback is always welcome! And – I won’t take it personally!

Blessings, Shawna

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The Weekly – Are You Audacious? Take the test.

Daring Makes it So

The word Audacious means to show a willingness to take surprisingly bold risks. The synonyms are: bold, daring, fearless, intrepid, brave, courageous, valiant, heroic and plucky.

Do you think that describes you?

My favorite of the above is PLUCKY and since it rhymes with Lucky it’s worth a quick look.

How would you rate yourself on being Audacious or Plucky?

Remembering that means to take bold risks…

Here’s something to help you:

On a scale of 1 -10 with 10 being best…

  • You started your own business
  • You lead others
  • You make the hard decisions
  • You are the person that makes things happen
  • You keep a lot of balls in the air
  • You seek and relish being stretched to your limits

If you rated yourself at 50 or above you are definitely Audacious, and if not, you have some things to work on (and don’t we all).

Here’s the real big question – Who are you hanging around that can help keep you plucky or get you there?

List the top 5 people you hang with and let them take the score – and then think about what you need to do to increase it.

I’m here to help you. You audacious achiever!
Blessings, Shawna

 STAY TUNED for the upcoming issue of
Top Women in the Pet Industry Magazine.  

Do you want a little help with your goals and routines? Executive Coaching may be the ticket! Click here to schedule a complimentary session with Shawna to discuss your goals.

 Follow on: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Instagram  |  Pinterest  | LinkedIn

  

Copyright © 2018 |  Women In The Pet Industry Network | All rights reserved.